Secure Attachment

What Is Secure Attachment?

People with a secure attachment style feel comfortable with emotional closeness and are confident in their relationships. You can depend on others and let others depend on you without excessive worry or discomfort.

Key Signs of Secure Attachment

• Comfortable with intimacy and independence
• Good at communicating needs and boundaries
• Trusting of partners without excessive jealousy
• Able to regulate emotions during conflict
• Supportive and responsive to partner's needs

Secure Attachment in Relationships

In relationships, you tend to be warm, stable, and emotionally available. You can handle disagreements without catastrophising and are able to give your partner space without feeling threatened.

What Causes Secure Attachment?

Secure attachment develops when caregivers are consistently responsive, attuned, and available. You learned that expressing needs leads to them being met, that people are generally trustworthy, and that you are worthy of love. This doesn't mean your childhood was perfect — it means your emotional needs were met reliably enough to build a stable internal model of relationships.

Common Challenges

Even securely attached people can face challenges. You might sometimes attract partners with insecure attachment styles, which can test your patience.

How to Heal Secure Attachment

Your secure base means you're well-positioned to support a partner who's working through their own attachment wounds. Focus on maintaining your boundaries while being compassionate.

Practical Steps

• Maintain your boundaries: Your natural warmth can sometimes lead to overextending yourself for a partner with an insecure style.
• Stay curious, not frustrated: If your partner has an insecure attachment style, try to understand their behaviour through the lens of their history.
• Model healthy relating: Your consistent, calm presence is therapeutic for partners working toward earned security.
• Continue growing: Even secure attachment benefits from ongoing self-awareness and intentional communication.