Therapy for Attachment Issues

Do I Need Therapy for My Attachment Style?

Having an insecure attachment style doesn't automatically mean you need therapy. Many people develop earned security through self-awareness, reading, and healthy relationships. However, therapy can be particularly helpful if:

• Your attachment patterns are causing significant distress in your relationships
• You keep repeating the same painful cycles despite understanding them intellectually
• You have a fearful-avoidant attachment style, which often has trauma roots that benefit from professional support
• You want to accelerate your journey toward secure attachment
• You and your partner are stuck in an anxious-avoidant cycle

What Type of Therapy Works Best?

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, EFT is the gold standard for attachment-based couples therapy. It has the strongest evidence base of any couples therapy approach, with 70-75% of couples moving from distress to recovery. EFT helps couples identify their negative cycles, access underlying attachment emotions, and create new patterns of bonding.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)

Particularly effective for fearful-avoidant attachment that stems from early trauma. EMDR helps process traumatic memories that are keeping your nervous system stuck in survival mode.

Schema Therapy

Identifies and works with the deep patterns (“schemas”) that drive your attachment behaviours. Particularly good for people who intellectually understand their patterns but can't seem to change them.

Somatic Experiencing

A body-based therapy that helps release the physical tension and protective patterns stored in your nervous system. Especially useful for avoidant attachment, where emotions are often suppressed in the body.

Online Therapy Options

Online therapy has made attachment-informed support more accessible than ever. You can work with a therapist from anywhere, often at a lower cost than traditional in-person sessions.

What to Look for in a Therapist

• Training in attachment theory: Ask specifically whether they're familiar with attachment styles and use them in their practice.
• EFT certification (for couples): If you're seeking couples therapy, an EFT-certified therapist is ideal.
• Trauma training (for fearful-avoidant): If your attachment style has trauma roots, ensure your therapist is trained in trauma-informed approaches.
• A good fit: You should feel safe and understood. If you don't connect with your first therapist, it's okay to try another.

What to Expect

Attachment-focused therapy typically involves understanding your early attachment experiences, recognising how they show up in current relationships, building new ways of relating (first in the therapeutic relationship, then in your life), and developing the emotional regulation skills that support secure attachment.

Most people begin to notice shifts within 8-12 sessions, though deeper attachment work may take 6-12 months or longer.