Can You Change Your Attachment Style?

Here's the question everyone asks after discovering their attachment style: am I stuck like this forever? The short answer is no. The longer answer is that changing your attachment style is absolutely possible, but it requires consistent effort, self-awareness, and often the right relationship or therapeutic support.

Why This Triggers Your Attachment Style

Your attachment style isn't a personality trait — it's a learned pattern of relating. It was shaped by your early experiences, and it can be reshaped by new ones. Neuroscientists call this neuroplasticity: your brain's ability to form new neural pathways throughout your life.

What You Might Be Feeling

• Hope that things can be different
• Frustration with how deeply ingrained patterns can feel
• Curiosity about what 'earned security' looks like
• Impatience with the pace of change
• Relief at understanding why you behave the way you do

What To Do

1. Start with awareness. You can't change what you can't see. Track your attachment behaviours for a month.
2. Seek out secure relationships. Being around securely attached people (friends, partners, therapists) literally rewires your attachment system.
3. Practice earned security. Each time you successfully navigate a trigger without falling into old patterns, you're building new neural pathways.
4. Be consistent. Attachment patterns developed over years and won't change overnight. Think months and years, not days.
5. Consider therapy. A therapist trained in attachment theory can accelerate this process significantly by providing a corrective relationship experience.

When This Is Part of a Bigger Pattern

Research shows that approximately 25-30% of people change their attachment style over a four-year period. The most common shift is from insecure to secure, especially in the context of a supportive relationship or therapy.